I'm not going to lie, this is a pretty candid post from me. I'm a pretty open person in real life, but for those of you who don't know me reading this, it'll stray some from my normal posts.
Lately, I've been having a hard time with...myself.
I've had a hard time figuring out what makes me *tick* per se. Things that I used to love, I find myself wondering if I love those things anymore (I'm NOT talking about my family or anything like that here, just hobbies). I'm wondering what I'm doing with my life day in and day out. I feel like I'm just on auto-pilot everyday. I get up and go to work (which I hate working for other people - always have), I work 8 hours, come home, do the Mom thing, then I go to bed after dinner and a shower. Weekends I feel should be more relaxing and I should feel good about the new week ahead, but I don't. I don't feel relaxed, I feel anxious about going back to work, and I have zero motivation. For most anything. I have a side "job" that I do (Direct Sales), which I enjoy, but it feels like alot of work ON TOP of the work that I already do daily.
If I could have things my way, I would quit my job to focus on growing myself, taking care of my family, and my direct sales business. If you don't know about direct sales, it doesn't feel like a "job" it's more fun, and it's not as time consuming as a real job. How do people succeed in direct sales, when they already have a full time job? I can't possibly be working my direct sales job when I'm working all day at another job, it's just not allowed. I feel SO tired at the end of the day, I don't want to do anything. The only reason I'm even writing this right now instead of getting a shower is because I need to vent. Maybe someone in the universe is listening. Maybe even possibility someone feels the same way.
I'm reading this book called "The Slight Edge" which I feel has been helpful in me starting to learn that I need to just break everything down into smaller pieces. Take everything a day at a time. It's hard to put into motion though. When I struggle with even wanting to get up in the morning to put on my make up, get dressed, and go to a job that I'd rather not go to because I hate sitting behind a computer all day. I enjoy what I do, don't get me wrong, and my boss is a dear friend of mine, but WHO IN THE WORLD loves sitting behind a computer on their ass all...day...long? NO ONE!
So I guess after all this rant that I'm on, I have one last thing to say, yes I'm having a hard time finding who I have become, yes I'm having a hard time figuring out what I love to do, yes I'm having a hard time enjoying day to day life, yes I'm struggling to get my direct sales off the ground, and YES I'm struggling with my happiness...but there is one thing for certain, I love my family. More than I love anything else in this world. They are my rock and what keeps me going everyday, I WILL one day find me again, and I will get on my feet with many things in life. Today might not be that day, but today is a good day to start.
Lately, I've been having a hard time with...myself.
I've had a hard time figuring out what makes me *tick* per se. Things that I used to love, I find myself wondering if I love those things anymore (I'm NOT talking about my family or anything like that here, just hobbies). I'm wondering what I'm doing with my life day in and day out. I feel like I'm just on auto-pilot everyday. I get up and go to work (which I hate working for other people - always have), I work 8 hours, come home, do the Mom thing, then I go to bed after dinner and a shower. Weekends I feel should be more relaxing and I should feel good about the new week ahead, but I don't. I don't feel relaxed, I feel anxious about going back to work, and I have zero motivation. For most anything. I have a side "job" that I do (Direct Sales), which I enjoy, but it feels like alot of work ON TOP of the work that I already do daily.
If I could have things my way, I would quit my job to focus on growing myself, taking care of my family, and my direct sales business. If you don't know about direct sales, it doesn't feel like a "job" it's more fun, and it's not as time consuming as a real job. How do people succeed in direct sales, when they already have a full time job? I can't possibly be working my direct sales job when I'm working all day at another job, it's just not allowed. I feel SO tired at the end of the day, I don't want to do anything. The only reason I'm even writing this right now instead of getting a shower is because I need to vent. Maybe someone in the universe is listening. Maybe even possibility someone feels the same way.
I'm reading this book called "The Slight Edge" which I feel has been helpful in me starting to learn that I need to just break everything down into smaller pieces. Take everything a day at a time. It's hard to put into motion though. When I struggle with even wanting to get up in the morning to put on my make up, get dressed, and go to a job that I'd rather not go to because I hate sitting behind a computer all day. I enjoy what I do, don't get me wrong, and my boss is a dear friend of mine, but WHO IN THE WORLD loves sitting behind a computer on their ass all...day...long? NO ONE!
So I guess after all this rant that I'm on, I have one last thing to say, yes I'm having a hard time finding who I have become, yes I'm having a hard time figuring out what I love to do, yes I'm having a hard time enjoying day to day life, yes I'm struggling to get my direct sales off the ground, and YES I'm struggling with my happiness...but there is one thing for certain, I love my family. More than I love anything else in this world. They are my rock and what keeps me going everyday, I WILL one day find me again, and I will get on my feet with many things in life. Today might not be that day, but today is a good day to start.
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